Uggh...

That is about as creative as I can get for the title. It has been a difficult week. Being an emotional eating, whenever one has an emotional week...or lives an emotional life...sometimes you fall down and you have to get back up again. This week I feel down. The one thing I feel I have control over in my life is food. I can decide what I want to eat, when I want to eat, and how much I want to eat. Instead of considering the long term consequences of those decisions, I focus only on that fact that I am in "control." (sounds like Janet Jackson's song) In fact I believe I am numb to whether or not what I am eating actually taste good. All of this made more sense on Tuesday. In a situation where I felt I was taken advantage of and my time was disregarded, I felt I was without control. So I started thinking about what I was going to eat. My "free" day of eating is not Tuesday, but Thursday. I became anxious and frustrated because a battle started taking place in my mind. I was trying to justify why I should be able to eat what I wanted. I wanted control. On the other hand, I was thinking about my goal of losing weight and how good I feel physically when I eat properly. In the end...I did not drive through a fast food drive-thru...but I did eat 4 recees cups. And today I had a doughnut and six oreos. This Operation Bridesmaid Diet is going is a lot harder than I ever expected. Exercising is easy. I love to be active and work out. Changing my eating habits is difficult. As I was riding a bike today I thought again....this is for the Glory of God. I want to honor the Lord with not only my body but my eating habits. I made some bad decisions today. Tomorrow is another day and His mercies are new every morning. This will not be easy but I am determined.